


The Only Thing to Do

by Mattition



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Character Study, Fjord Has Issues (Critical Role), Fjord-centric (Critical Role), Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:06:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24879682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mattition/pseuds/Mattition
Summary: What if Fjord decided to leave the Mighty Nein instead of waking Caduceus up in ep. 72?
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	The Only Thing to Do

**Author's Note:**

> So apparently, my brain has decided that the only thing I care about is Critical Role. Thusly, I have written fanfic for the first time in like 5 years. Anyway I'm obsessed w/ Fjord for some reason and certainly not projecting on him. Anyway this is very short because the other half of it is a weird piece of vent that barely make sense.  
> Title is from Raleigh Ritchie's Liability  
> Have a good day, ACAB, etc.

Fjord runs.

Well, actually, he stands at the edge of the lava pit and stares at his sword, his power, the only use he’s ever had melts away. And when it’s gone completely, he stares some more. Thinks about the grievous wound he’s dealt himself. Why did he think he could power-play a god? He should know better than that. He _does_ know better than that. He creeps back into the open room where the rest of the Mighty Nein are sleeping soundly. There sleep five out of eight, the only people who ever cared about him. Vandren’s gone, in the wind, making amends, whatever that means. Molly’s dead, for good this time, in an attempt to save them from the Iron Shepherds because he wasn’t strong enough to fight them off. Yasha is gone, too, possessed, or a better liar than even he has been capable of. Caleb surely never tried to pry apart _her_ ribs to see the roiling mass of darkness and fear that sticks there. Fjord knows in his heart that Yasha was never that person who nearly killed him in Bazzoxan, she collected flowers and mourned her wife, chased storms and loved Molly. She wouldn’t be that person who looked him in the eyes and still tried to—

But she wouldn’t be the first, either, would she? Fjord has always driven people away. Be it Sabien, who told him over and over he was too eager, too needy, clingy and weak. Or Vandren who made decisions and expected a level of obedience Fjord sometimes had a hard time mustering. Even the Nein, for all that he knows they care, he’s letting them down day after day. He ignored Jester’s advances long enough to make her secretly hate him, he’s sure, and Nott never hid how much she despises him. Even Molly, who tried their hardest to always make the world better, Fjord’s stupidity let them down, got them killed, and fucked the rest of the party over in the process. He’s never done anything but fuck around and drag the rest of them to the bottom of the ocean. Literally. Nott drowned, and he forced her to walk on the sea floor! What kind of friend does such a thing? He touched the window in the Happy Fun Ball and got everyone, but especially Jester, nearly killed by a _dragon!_ They would be better of if he weren’t there.

And the thought occurs to him.

They _would_ be better off if he were gone.

He stares at his only friends in the world, at the people he’s gone on a wild journey with, who supported him through thick and thin, and who he loves, so much, and realizes that he’s holding them back. Even _with_ the powers granted to him by Uk’otoa, he’s been holding them back. He doesn’t even have the falchion anymore. He can’t Eldritch Blast his way out of a situation, he can’t disguise himself so he’s more palatable. He’s made yet another impulsive, stupid decision and now he can’t do _anything_. He is weak. A liability. And fuck if he’s going to make the rest of them endure it.

So he runs.

He quietly packs his belongings back together, going slow so he doesn’t wake the others. He picks his way back across the room and finds a small stack of paper. He writes a short note. He folds it in half and considers for a moment who the heaviest sleeper of the Nein is. It is him, of course, useless in an emergency situation, but after him must be Nott. He can’t leave it with her, she’ll set it alight and tell the rest of them that he fucked off for fun and he’s not even sorry. His eyes land on Caleb.

And Caleb’s eyes land on him. The wizard is lying very still so as to not disturb Nott and is staring straight into his soul. Fjord swallows. Approaches. Kneels before him, their defacto leader in so many circumstances, no matter how much he objects, the reason they’re all alive so many times over, the reason they’re not all rotting in Essek’s shitty time prison. Fjord breathes deep, sets the letter down before him.

“Please,” Fjord murmurs in his own voice, barely a breath. “I know I owe you a favor, Caleb, but please.”

Caleb stares up at him, eyes wide, before looking down at the note. “It is funny,” he whispers back, “I thought I would be the one who left.” Fjord grits his teeth. Grinds them. Caleb touches his arm. “I understand the urge to run. Is there no way to convince you to stay?” Fjord shakes his head stubbornly. He is sure. He refuses to keep them tethered to the bottom any longer.

“Take care of them. Take care of yourself, please, Caleb. I’m sorry.” He squeezes Caleb’s hand in both of his. Kisses his knuckles. “I guess you’re the leader now,” Caleb huffs a wet laugh and squeezes him back.

“We’ll welcome you home, Fjord, when you’re ready to be home with us.” Fjord nods solemnly and stands. He has to leave before Caleb really convinces him to stay.

He stops in the doorway and looks back at his sleeping family. Caleb’s ice chip eyes stare back at him.

He leaves.


End file.
